Have you ever had the wind knocked off you? Isn’t it strange that normally it’s the little things in life that will make the biggest difference? I lost my mother at an early age. But I put it down to life’s experiences and I was able to move on. I learned to be independent from then on. I was responsible for me. I took care of me.
I have always believed in God. I have always been a christian. I knew I had to say my prayers every morning and every night. When I became a parent it was very important for me that my child should go to a christian school. This is mainly because I didn’t go to church that often, if at all, and I needed my child to be brought up in the knowledge of God. Somehow that was very important to me. I would try to make time to go to church, and even for a little while I was almost regular at attending. Then life would take over and I would be too busy, there wouldn’t be time for it and other things were a priority. I would say, “My relationship with God is strictly between me and Him, He knows my heart and I don’t need to answer to anyone or to a church.”
And such was my life, I was content to say I was a Christian. I talked to God. God knew me. I tried my best to bring up my child is in His knowledge. I was doing the best that I could if you asked me.
The truth is we are all built with a void that only God can fill. I was not living my life for God, I was living a life for myself… What was best for me, never stopping to consider how God would want me to live. How was I to know anyway, I was alive so I took it for granted I was responsible for my life.
But my plans it would appear were not quite the plans God had for me. Those who know me, know me for my fortitude and determination. People would often describe me as strong, though just over a year ago, strong was the last word I could use to describe me. I believe God has an interesting way of getting our attention. So in a very short span of time I had a series of four closely followed events happen in my life. To look at each one of them, it wasn’t anything major. Nothing that I hadn’t been through before, nothing that should make a big difference in my life… or so I thought.
Leading to these events, I was finding myself being drawn to the Bible and prayer, I was feeling anything but strong. Truth is the Bible didn’t make much sense to me and I was feeling very tired of being ‘the strong one’. I was actually wondering who’s going to be strong for me, who’s going to get my back. Why do I always have to be the strong one?
Then the last of the four events happened and it felt as though the wind had not only been knocked out of me, but the rug had been pulled from under me at the same time, as my heart lurched to my stomach. It all just came down on me like a ton of bricks. I was just so exhausted, I felt such raw pain… I couldn’t explain it, I couldn’t understand it. Then the ‘water works’ started, I didn’t know one could cry that much, there was no way of turning off the tears.
I figured it would pass, but it didn’t…I found myself being drawn to church and it was amazing. I have never missed a Sunday since. I could actually understand the sermon, in fact it often felt as though it was tailored just for me. The ‘water works’ and the raw pain were still there, with fleeting moments of feeling ‘normal’- whatever that means.
As time went by, I reflected on my so called relationship with God, and as with all relationships communication is key. I realised that I was lacking spiritually. I would talk to God, but how was God talking to me? I had a deep longing to know God, because I did not doubt that He knew me. So I actively worked on improving my prayer life. Eventually I got into reading my Bible, and now it was making sense. I was able to understand God, to know more of Him…
It has been quite an experience. God gathered my heart. Now I know who has my back! Spending time reading the Bible opened me up to understanding God’s love; it gave me a foundation that is solid. I have discovered the Bible is the manual for living one’s life in accordance to God’s will. It is full of life, promise, peace…
Thus was born ‘Prayer Confessions’. Bible treats as it were that can reconnect people to the Bible. I hope the Prayer Confessions will encourage people to get their Bibles out and get to know the power in it, for it is alive.
This is only just the beginning and I am learning that things happen in life: Philippians 2:13 Not in your own strength for it is God who is all the while effectually at work in you energizing and creating in you the power and desire, both to will and to work for His good pleasure and satisfaction and delight.
Great is God’s faithfulness.